BEGINNERS & SENIORS GUIDE TO COMPUTERS

Vice President Dick Cheney is expected to retire within a year. Wait. Let's just let that statement flow over us like warm milk and cookies, sunshine and honey, sugar and spice and everything nice........... ok. Senior GOP sources predict the retirement of Mr. Cheney in 2007, several months after the congressional elections. The sources said Mr. Cheney would be persuaded to step down as he becomes an increasing political liability to Mr. Bush. Can someone be a liability to another liability? The sources reported a growing rift between the president and vice president as well as their staffs. They cited Mr. Cheney's failure to immediately tell the president of the "accidental" shooting of the vice president's hunting colleague earlier this month. The White House didn't learn of the incident until 18 hours later. (yeah right) Mr. Cheney's next crisis could take place by the end of the year, the sources said. They said the White House was expecting Mr. Che...

The latest CBS News poll finds George Bush's approval rating has fallen to an all-time low of 34% (disapproval rating of 66%), while pessimism about the Iraq war has risen to a new high. Bush is expected to come up with another phony emergency to divert attention from his incompetent performance. He already used the fabricated orange/yellow alert scam so it will have to be something new. Perhaps he will allow Medicare to cover faith healing. Or appoint a neo-Nazi head of the B'nai B'rith. Or have intelligent design covered in the SATs. Or appoint Barbara Bush director of HUD. Or appoint Karl Rove professor of Ethics at Yale. Or hire Dick Cheney as a rifle instructor in the army. Or perhaps he'll just conduct business as usual. Something is bound to come up. Americans are also overwhelmingly opposed to the Bush-backed deal giving a Dubai-owned company operational control over six major U.S. ports. Seven in 10 Americans, including 58 percent of Republicans, say th...

The internal logs of at least 40 touch-screen voting machines used in Florida in the 2004 presidential election reveal that votes were time and date-stamped as cast two weeks before the election, sometimes in the middle of the night. Black Box Voting successfully sued former Palm Beach County (FL) Supervisor of Elections Theresa LePore to get the audit records for the 2004 presidential election. After investing over $7,000 and waiting nine months for the records, Black Box Voting discovered that the voting machine logs contained approximately 100,000 errors . According to voting machine assignment logs, Palm Beach County used 4,313 machines in the Nov. 2004 election. During election day, 1,475 voting system calibrations were performed while the polls were open, providing documentation to substantiate reports from citizens indicating the wrong candidate was selected when they tried to vote. I'd say that the "wrong candidate" is an understatement. In 2000, Bush stole the...

The White House cited failures by the Homeland Security Department and other agencies in planning, communications and leadership in a report on Hurricane Katrina Thursday and proposed a broad reworking of how the government would respond to the next catastrophe. Bush, however, made no mention of his own failings. "We will learn from the lessons of the past to better protect the American people," Bush said Thursday at the end of a Cabinet meeting where the report was released. "I wasn't satisfied with the federal response," Bush said. I thought George was the key player in the federal response. Is he going to fire anybody? Bush ordered the review days after the Aug. 29 storm revealed widespread federal disaster response gaps. More than 1,300 Gulf Coast residents died after Katrina hit, and hundreds of thousands more were forced from their destroyed homes. The White House review comes a week after the special Republican-dominated House committee investigating th...

"I Walked in to Dick Cheney's Line of Fire" "If I Had a Hammer, I'd Sell it to the Army" "Hang Down Your Head, Tom Delay" "Go Vote Twice, It's All Right" "That's All Right, Osama" and many more...

Goerge Bush sings "Imagine" by John Lennon. Maybe there's hope for this scumbag yet.

A company in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) is poised to take over operations at six American ports as part of a corporate sale, leaving a country with ties to the Sept. 11, 2001 hijackers with influence over a maritime industry considered vulnerable to terrorism. The Bush administration considers the UAE an important ally in the fight against terrorism since the suicide hijackings and is not objecting to Dubai Ports World's purchase of London-based Peninsular and Oriental Steam Navigation Co. The $6.8 billion sale would affect commercial port operations in New York, New Jersey, Baltimore, New Orleans, Miami and Philadelphia. NEW JERSEY? OK, now i'm pissed!

Beware, terrorists! Batman , the Caped Crusader is targeting a villain more sinister than the Joker or Dick Cheney — Osama bin Laden . At the WonderCon 2006 comic book convention, legendary comics writer and artist Frank Miller revealed that Batman would hunt down bin Laden and al Qaeda in his next DC Comics graphic novel. In "Holy Terror, Batman!" the Caped Crusader goes after the terror leader and his organization after Gotham City is attacked by terrorists. Miller said his anger over both the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks and subsequent acts of terror worldwide had inspired his latest work. Miller called "Holy Terror, Batman!" a "piece of propaganda" where "Batman kicks al Qaeda's ass." He said his graphic novel channeled an era in the comic-book industry when writers and artists used heroes to spread a clear message and generate patriotism. I have the utmost confidence that an imaginary character like Batman will have more success in fin...

The Bush administration is on the verge of one of the biggest giveaways to the oil and gas industry in American history, worth an estimated $7 billion over five years. New projections, buried in the Interior Department's just-published budget plan, anticipate that the government will let companies pump about $65 billion worth of oil and natural gas from federal territory over the next five years without paying any royalties to the government. Based on the administration figures, the government will give up more than $7 billion in payments between now and 2011 even though the administration assumes that oil prices will remain above $50 a barrel throughout that period. Administration officials say that the benefits are dictated by laws and regulations that date back to 1996. Rather than take responsibility for this giveaway, Bush is going to blame it on Clinton when in reality, it's just more of the same type of kickback given to his big oil company cronies. In addition, Mr. Bus...

Anatomical Heart Soap Oozin' Heart Palpitations! Fits in your hand perfectly! This design is exclusive to FeMaledictions. Approximate Weight: 6 oz. "my heart is in your hands, and I'll be missing you". - Styx

"What's all this talk about Vice-President Dick Cheney spraying all over some guy's face with hot pellets? I didn't know he was gay. Not that there's anything wrong with it. It would explain where his daughter got it from, though. I wonder if it was like that movie Deliverance? Dick has also come under attack for participating in a “canned hunt” in which he kills pheasants that are released for the sole purpose of being shot by hunters. Dick and his mature hunting buddies have a shortened nickname for “canned hunt”. Being a lady, I can't repeat it here. Anyway, maybe Big Dick will think twice now about same-sex marriage, sex education and women's right to choose. Now that he's come out he can.... what?..... oh........ nevermind". - Emily Latella

Visit this web site to play the Ann Coulter/Debbie Schlussel Game. Try to guess which dried up, miserable excuse for a woman wrote these movie reviews. Remember: They're identical republican whores so either one of them could've spit similar venom. CUE THEME MUSIC (ADAPTED FROM "THE PATTY DUKE SHOW"): Meet Annie who flips her long blonde hair She makes no sense; she doesn't care. But Debbie wants to be her clone, Spew lurid piffle of her own -- What a crazy pair! Because they're pundits, Identical pundits, and you'll find They look alike, they think alike, They like to drink Kool-Aid alike. You will lose your mind When pundits are two of a kind!

It's a question that has taxed generations of the finest minds in physics: do humans swim slower in syrup than in water? And since you ask, the answer's no. Scientists have filled a swimming pool with a syrupy mixture and proved it. "What appealed was the bizarreness of the idea," says Edward Cussler of the University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, who led the experiment. It's a question that also fascinated his student Brian Gettelfinger, a competitive swimmer. Cussler and Gettelfinger took more than 300 kilograms of guar gum, an edible thickening agent found in salad dressings, ice cream and shampoo, and dumped it into a 25-metre swimming pool, creating a gloopy liquid twice as thick as water. "It looked like snot," says Cussler. The reason you don't swim slower in syrup, explains Cussler, is that while you experience more "viscous drag" (basically friction from your movement through the fluid) as the water gets thicker, you generate more fo...

President George W. Bush took a swipe at Kermit, Miss Piggy, Big Bird and their friends Monday as he proposed slashing funds to public broadcasting by more than $157 million. "Oscar the Grouch has been friendlier to the Sesame Street characters than President Bush, who has chosen to make huge cuts to children's television programming," said Rep. Ed Markey, D-Mass. " In a world of fast-and-furious television with ratings-driven content, the public broadcasting system represents the last stronghold of quality child-oriented programming -- we owe this to America's children." Instead, this administration seeks more money for the military and seeks to make Bush's first-term tax cuts permanent. In his $2.77 billion budget, Bush asks Congress to sharply cut or eliminate 141 government programs. Almost one-third of the targeted programs are in education, including ones that provide money to support the arts, vocational education, parent resource centers and dru...

U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld accused Iran on Saturday of being the world's leading sponsor of terrorism, a charge that his Iranian counterpart rejected as "ridiculous" and "outrageous." "The Iranian regime is today the world's leading state sponsor of terrorism," Rumsfeld told an annual security conference in Munich where talk of Iran's nuclear program was at the top of the agenda. Iranian Defense Minister Mostafa Mohammad-Najjar was quoted by Iranian state television as saying Rumsfeld's comments were "outrageous remarks and a ridiculous projection by the White House leaders." "Rumsfeld had better try to act responsibly for the disgrace of attacking Iraq, because the people of the world will never forget the torturing of the prisoners of Abu-Ghraib," he said. Rumsfeld went on to say that last week the center of terrorism was Iraq and the week before that it was Libya. He also said that the Bush administrat...

President Bush proposed a $2.77 trillion budget today that calls for cutbacks in a range of domestic programs and an unrelenting resolve to lock in permanently the tax cuts to the rich that the administration pushed through Congress in recent years. The budget comes as no surprise from the Bush presidency, putting national security and tax cuts above all other considerations and gradually tightening or reducing spending on programs, including educational loans, health, environment, farm subsidies and national parks. Mr. Bush is proposing to limit the growth in Medicare spending, at a savings of $36 billion over the next five years. The Senate's minority leader, Harry Reid, Democrat of Nevada, attempted to tie the budget to the recent Washington lobbying scandals, saying that the programs that Mr. Bush saved were part of what he called "the Republican culture of corruption."

The trial of Scooter Libby, Vice President Dick Cheney's former chief of staff, in the C.I.A. leak case will start next January 2007, a federal judge said today. District Judge Reggie B. Walton said jury selection will begin on Jan. 8, 2007. Judge Walton said that he had hoped the trial could begin next September, but that Mr. Libby's lawyer, Theodore V. Wells Jr., will be tied up with another case (aww...). Judge Reggie B. Walton assumed his position as a United States District Judge for the District of Columbia on October 29, 2001, after being nominated to the position by President George W. Bush and confirmed by the United States Senate. Republicans are likely to be pleased that the trial will be held after the Congressional elections. Pleased? Ya think? Bush has manipulated the courts (again) to delay Scooter's trial until after the November elections. Since George believes the average citizen is an idiot he knows that we'll forget about Mr. Libby and the ...

A conservative advocacy group turned its wrath on Thursday to an upcoming "Will & Grace" episode that it says will mock Christ's crucifixion. In the episode, scheduled to air on April 13, Jack's fictional TV network is bought by a Christian broadcaster, leading Britney Spears' character to do an Easter cooking segment on Jack's show called "Cruci-fixin's." The American Family Association , run by right-wing fundamentalist Donald Wildmon, immediately raised objections to the planned episode, saying it "mocks the crucifixion of Christ" and will "further denigrate Christianity" by airing the night before Good Friday. "NBC does not treat Jews, Muslims or other religions with such disrespect," the Mississippi-based group said on its Web site. "Yet the network demonstrates a deep hostility toward followers of Christ." The advocacy group called on its supporters to write letters of protest to NBC executives. ...

House Approves $40 Billion In Cuts To Welfare, Child Support, Student Lending, Medicaid... White House To Request $70 Billion More To Spend In Iraq And Afghanistan... Maybe it's time to wake up, America........What do you think?