Friday, May 05, 2006

Harry Potter Films We'd Rather Not See

(Courtesy of Captain Wacky's Lists)
Harry Potter and the Uneventful Year When No One Tried to Kill Him
Harry Potter and the New Love Interest Who Happens to Have the Same Name as the 15-Year-Old Girl Writing this List
Harry Potter and the New Love Interest Who Happens to Have the Same Name as the 15-Year-Old Boy Writing this List
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Sucrets
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Kidney Stone
Harry Potter and the Uncomforatble Oversexualization of Minors
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer are Stoned
Harry Potter and the Burning Sensation
Harry Potter and the Camping Weekend With Ron That Will Never Be Spoken Of Again
Harry Potter and the E Street Band
Harry Potter and the Things You Have to do to Get By in Prison
Harry Potter and the Chamber Pot of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Prisoner Detainees of Azerbaijan
Harry Potter and the Wand of Franchise Extension

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood, the Quadroon, and the Octaroon
Harold and His Big Purple Crayon of Adolescent Yearning
Hal Pot and the Intellectuals of Cambodia
Harry Potter and the shameless Tom Clancy Crossover
Harry Potter and the 2000 Election
Harry Potter and the HufflePuff Orgy
Harry Potter and the Weapons of Magic Destruction
Harry Potter and the Order of the Pizza
Harry Potter and the Bizarro Harry Potter
Harry Potter and the Street Fighter II Tournament
Harry Potter and the King of Pop
Harry Potter and the Birth of Christ
Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stones in His Mouth
Harry Potter and the Jews and Crusaders
Harry Potter the Geopolitical Realities of the Post-Nuclear Age
Harry Potter and Whoever Alan Rickman's Character is are Totally Doing It
Harry Potter and the Cusp of Manhood
Harry Potter and the Gauntlet of Mucous
Harry Potter and the Insidious Compact Disc Root Kit Installation
Harry Potter and the Gargoyle of Reacharounds
Harry Potter and the Sandwich of Crotchmeat
Harry Potter and the Incredibly Long Run-On Sentence That ALmost Makes It Look As If The First Three Paragraphs Of The Story Are Actually More Like The First Three Sentences And Then Hermione Says Harry That Dragon Is Attacking You and Ron Is In Danger So Harry Potter Reaches Into His Magic Bag And Removes A Magic Card That He Says Makeus Enlargitus and The Creature On The Card Which Is A Griffin With The Body Of A Zebra But Claws Of A Lion Comes Out Of It And When It (The Dragon) s Defeated Harry Says It Was Voldemort and Hermione Says How Do You Know And Harry Says I Just Know and Ron Goes Gulp!
Harry Potter and the Hendersons

1 comment:

  1. .
    We work like a horse.
    We eat like a pig.
    We like to play chicken.
    You can get someone's goat.
    We can be as slippery as a snake.
    We get dog tired.
    We can be as quiet as a mouse.
    We can be as quick as a cat.
    Some of us are as strong as an ox.
    People try to buffalo others.
    Some are as ugly as a toad.
    We can be as gentle as a lamb.
    Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
    Some of us drink like a fish.
    We can be as proud as a peacock.
    A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
    You can get a frog in your throat.
    We can be a lone wolf.
    But I'm having a whale of a time!

    You have a riveting web log
    and undoubtedly must have
    atypical & quiescent potential
    for your intended readership.
    May I suggest that you do
    everything in your power to
    honor your encyclopedic/omniscient
    Designer/Architect as well
    as your revering audience.
    As soon as we acknowledge
    this Supreme Designer/Architect,
    Who has erected the beauteous
    fabric of the universe, our minds
    must necessarily be ravished with
    wonder at this infinate goodness,
    wisdom and power.

    Please remember to never
    restrict anyone's opportunities
    for ascertaining uninterrupted
    existence for their quintessence.

    There is a time for everything,
    a season for every activity
    under heaven. A time to be
    born and a time to die. A
    time to plant and a time to
    harvest. A time to kill and
    a time to heal. A time to
    tear down and a time to
    rebuild. A time to cry and
    a time to laugh. A time to
    grieve and a time to dance.
    A time to scatter stones
    and a time to gather stones.
    A time to embrace and a
    time to turn away. A time to
    search and a time to lose.
    A time to keep and a time to
    throw away. A time to tear
    and a time to mend. A time
    to be quiet and a time to
    speak up. A time to love
    and a time to hate. A time
    for war and a time for peace.

    Best wishes for continued ascendancy,
    Dr. Whoami

    P.S. One thing of which I am sure is
    that the common culture of my youth
    is gone for good. It was hollowed out
    by the rise of ethnic "identity politics,"
    then splintered beyond hope of repair
    by the emergence of the web-based
    technologies that so maximized and
    facilitated cultural choice as to make
    the broad-based offerings of the old
    mass media look bland and unchallenging
    by comparison."