Thursday, May 18, 2006

First Ladies Fight Back

With Nancy Reagan's blessing and in defiance of President Bush's veto threat, Senate Republican leaders are making plans for a vote this summer on a bill to restore federal funding of embryonic stem cell research.

Too little too late, guys. November is coming and the republican party's days are numbered. You want to impress me? Impeach the criminal in the white house!

Supporters contend government funding of the budding science could someday cure diseases suffered by millions of people. Opponents argue that harvesting such stem cells amounts to abortion because an embryo is destroyed in the process.

Bush's veto threat stands, according to White House spokesman Ken Lisaius. Neither chamber of Congress has demonstrated the two-thirds support required to overcome a veto.

"The president's embryonic stem cell policy serves both science and ethics," Lisaius said.

Oh...I thought it serves Bush's insane desire to kiss the ass of the religious right.

Many of history's First Ladies of the past have supported funding causes which affected their presidential hubbies:

Eleanor Roosevelt - polio
Anne Lincoln - color blindness
Martha Washington - dental hygiene
Hillary Clinton - sex addiction
Betty Ford - cerebral palsy
Laura Bush - mental retardation

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Keith Richards' Brain Just Fine

The Rolling Stones want everyone to know that Keith Richards hasn't suffered any brain damage--at least not stemming from his latest misadventure.

A rep for the band has emphatically denied a report in the New Zealand Herald that the hard-living, accident-prone guitarist has undergone two surgeries for his head injury earlier this month and that his condition is much more serious than first thought. The spokeswoman claims that the coconut induced incident has been grossly overblown.

Yeah.....Keith has no brain damage.

And I fart gold.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Harry Potter Films We'd Rather Not See

(Courtesy of Captain Wacky's Lists)
Harry Potter and the Uneventful Year When No One Tried to Kill Him
Harry Potter and the New Love Interest Who Happens to Have the Same Name as the 15-Year-Old Girl Writing this List
Harry Potter and the New Love Interest Who Happens to Have the Same Name as the 15-Year-Old Boy Writing this List
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Sucrets
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Kidney Stone
Harry Potter and the Uncomforatble Oversexualization of Minors
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer are Stoned
Harry Potter and the Burning Sensation
Harry Potter and the Camping Weekend With Ron That Will Never Be Spoken Of Again
Harry Potter and the E Street Band
Harry Potter and the Things You Have to do to Get By in Prison
Harry Potter and the Chamber Pot of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Prisoner Detainees of Azerbaijan
Harry Potter and the Wand of Franchise Extension

Korean Scientists Develop Female Android

Standing 1.6 meters tall and weighing about 50 kilograms, she can understand others, speak, blink with her eyes and makes several facial expressions.

But she is not human, rather an android developed by a team of South Korean scientists. It is only the second time in the world that an android has been developed _ Japan made the first one.

She is named "EveR-1", a combination of Eve and robot, looks just like a Korean female in her early 20s including her shape that is benchmarked against the nation's model.

From a distance, the android could be confused with a real, flesh and blood human being, according to Baeg.

The Korean robot can move the upper half of her body such as arms and hands but she cannot travel because her lower half is immobile.

Who wouldn't hit that after a few beers?

Woman to Give Birth at Age 63

BRITAIN’S oldest expectant mother answered her critics yesterday, saying that her IVF-induced pregnancy, though “potentially controversial”, had been planned responsibly.

Patricia Rashbrook, a consultant child psychiatrist, will be 63 when she gives birth. She is seven months pregnant after treatment by an Italian embryologist. Doctors and anti abortion groups have accused her of selfishness and expressed fear for the child’s long-term welfare, growing up with two parents already over 60.

I don't know what the big deal is.

They can buy diapers in bulk for the both of them.

They can eat the same food.

They'll have the same number of teeth.

They both will have trouble finding their way home by themselves.

Then there's breast feeding -- there's an image I can't get out of my head.

Presidential Idol

In American Idol news, a poll conducted by Washington-based public opinion research firm Pursuant Inc. determined some not-so-shocking information about the talent search's viewing public.

According to the survey, one in ten American adults has cast a vote for an Idol contestant this season, and of the 1,045 people who responded to the telephone poll, 35 percent of those surveyed said they believed voting on American Idol was as important or even more important than voting in a U.S. presidential election.

Randy Jackson: "George, dude, check it out. It was just aw-ight, a little pitchy in foreign policy. Domestic policy was completely out of tune. You gonna be going home soon, dog."

Paula Abdul: "First of all, you look great, dubya. You know I love ya - I'm a real fan even though your performance was weak. "

Simon Cowell: "A complete and utter disaster! It was bad presidential karaoke."

There's no hope for us -- take the gas pipe now!

George Bush Supports Teaching Paganism in Schools

Creationism dismissed as 'a kind of paganism' by Vatican's astronomer

Believing that God created the universe in six days is a form of superstitious paganism, the Vatican astronomer Guy Consolmagno claimed yesterday.

He described creationism, whose supporters want it taught in schools alongside evolution, as a "kind of paganism" because it harked back to the days of "nature gods" who were responsible for natural events.

"Religion needs science to keep it away from superstition and keep it close to reality, to protect it from creationism, which at the end of the day is a kind of paganism - it's turning God into a nature god. And science needs religion in order to have a conscience, to know that, just because something is possible, it may not be a good thing to do."

Since dubya wants creationism taught in our schools, he's really supporting the teaching of paganism.

George Bush is living proof that there is no "intelligent design".

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Walgreens Shut Down After Meth Lab Found In Parking Lot

Authorities say about 40 people were evacuated from a Walgreens after a methamphetamine laboratory was found in the trunk of a car in the store's parking lot.

Sheriff officials say 45-year-old Michael Wright, 19-year-old Jodie Duncan and 31-year-old Jeremie Messer, all of Ashland, Alabama were arrested. They are charged with conspiracy to manufacture meth, unlawful possession of listed chemicals and marijuana possession.

Authorities got a tip that the group was visiting several drug stores buying cold medicine, which is used to make meth.

On the other hand, the drive-thru traffic was moving at a rather brisk pace.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Bodman sees up to three years of fuel pain

Gasoline prices have soared an average of 60 cents a gallon in less than a month because suppliers are unable to keep up with demand, a situation that could persist up to three more years, Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman said Sunday.

So, in other words, things will get better once George Bush is out of office.