Thursday, December 22, 2005

I Saw George Bush Kissing Santa Claus

It used to be that the holiday-season ritual of talking to Santa most always meant a trip to the mall. But parents are now turning increasingly to commercial services that provide phone calls from a Santa who knows not only what is on the child's wish list but also the names of siblings, friends and teachers, favorite vacation spots and what was under the tree last year.

It only costs about $10 for each phone call.

Why don't we all have Santa call the White House to tell little Georgie that he's on the naughty list? It might sound something like this:

"Hello? Is little Georgie Bush there? Oh, hi Georgie. This is Santa. No, this is not Karl Rove doing a phony phone call. I'd like to talk to you about your behavior this past year. You haven't been a very good boy, have you?"

"For one thing, you don't play well with others, do you? There's that whole illegal war thing in that desert place. Why did you pick on those innocent people? You wanna fight a war, how about the war on poverty?"

"And we have trouble telling the truth, don't we? WMDs? Uranium from Africa? Intelligent Design? Embryonic stem cells are people? FEMA did a great job? Jenna and Barbara are not alcoholics? You're still searching for Osama Bin Laden? You weren't AWOL?"

"So Georgie, I'm afraid you're going to be put on the naughty list and get nothing but coal in your stocking. But you won't be alone. You'll be joined by all your play buddies like Rove, DeLay, Rumsfeld, Frist, Ashcroft, Rice, Cheney and well, just about everyone you play with."

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